Nigrum Lepus
by ayatoukas
Summary: The words 'promise' and 'protect' ring in his head and the voice's whispers become louder each time, and when he no longer recognizes himself and his feelings, she's the only one who can lead him back safely to where he belongs. AyaTouka/TokyoGhoul:re.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** So it's been quite a while since I wrote anything and this is technically the first time I'm plotting something for the Tokyo Ghoul fandom which should be a multichapter. I feel quite embarrassed because my ships are always problematic but this is probably the most problematic one I've ever shipped because it's legit incest. But my feelings for the Kirishima siblings are too strong and all I want is for them to reunite and be happy together. Ayato's feelings for her are too precious and I just hope he'll tell her how really feels about her because the poor girl thinks so low of herself and she definitely doesn't know that her brother still loves and cares for her.

Anyway, I've come full way to ship these two romantically and I can't say I regret it, nor do I care about people judging me for it. I'm quite used to being judged for my ships, so it's nothing big. I've decided to finally start putting the ideas I've been having together and make something out of them. This is but a prologue so it's short and just put to make a starting point for me to get rid of my writer block. I know the AyaTouka ship is too small, but the shippers do exist and it's sad because there are no published fanfics for this small ship.

* * *

_**Prologue**_

He lies beside her in one bed, just the way they used to share the same bed when younger. Years have changed a few details from that memory in the current time; their bodies are now bigger, and the bed can barely fit the two of them but they manage it anyway. For one night, they can forget the bed is too small for them and only focus on being together, next to each other, after years of being separated. It's only a matter of hours before he'll leave her again until god knows when, and he wants to spend every second staring at her face. She's asleep and he should be sleeping too, but the thought of wasting his chance to look at her and note the changes time has made in her bothers him. He thought she died but now there she is alive and well and next to him. He can feel her breaths against his face speaking of her vitality.

The distance between them grows shorter when he shifts his weight closer to her, an arm moving to surround her waist—it's strange; being this close from her and touching her in a non-violent way. He's never done this before and he regrets it. His narrow gaze speaks of his regrets and fears and weaknesses, and the more he stares at her face, the more he needs to protect her and keep her safe where no harm can reach her.

She's his beloved sister, his everything and he lost her once and became like a body with no soul. If he loses her again, he'll die, and it's not going to be a death where he no longer breathes and his heart no longer beats. No. It's a worse kind of death. His chest will hurt every time his heart beats and he'll die as much as the number of times he breathes. He'll cry himself to sleep every night like he did before and he'll punish himself for not keeping his promise, for being just like his father; a liar, a weakling. He needs her more than she needs him.

She's his beloved sister and oh it hurts how much he loves her. He knows he'll never love someone like he loves her and he knows his life is devoted to her and only her. If she vanishes he'll die, just like two rabbits that grow up together, if one of them dies the other dies of loneliness.

He comes closer and her breaths are soft and warm, hitting his face gently before leaving a cold breeze against it. His eyes are scanning every inch of her face, memorizing her every feature, making sure her image will remain saved in his head for he doesn't miss seeing her quickly when he's gone.

A smile draws its way on his lips safely, knowing she's not awake to see him, and it presses so lightly to her forehead in a faint kiss. He pulls back to stare briefly at her again; she's still asleep –probably didn't feel it- and with that, he moves closer, though his lips aren't targeting her forehead this time, but aiming for her lips.

_What?_

He pauses instantly before he crosses the line and sits up in a blurry reasoning, question why he would ever attempt to do that, as if kissing her forehead isn't enough, but questions why he wouldn't too. He almost jumps when sensing the bed shift at her movement, and he gazes at her from the corner of his eye to see that she's still asleep. She only turned, now lying on her back.

Upon his eyes falling on her face again, the question tickles his mind again. A voice whispering to him to do it, another trying to oppose him and his thoughts are conflicting and he can't set his mind on a decision, not until the voice in his head gets louder and it's the only thing he can hear; _kiss her. You'll probably never have a chance to do so anymore, so don't waste your chance. You don't want to regret it if anything ever happens to her, do you? You already regretted a lot of things._

It's true. He regrets a lot of things. He regrets not staying with her. He regrets not being there for her when she needed him. He regrets beating her up and treating her harshly. He regrets not having shown her how precious she was to him, not ever showing her that he loves her, that he wants to protect her, that he's the one who dies if she's no longer alive, that he's the one who's lost if she's nowhere to be found, that she's everything and if she leaves, he'll have nothing. She fills the emptiness in his chest and reminds him of the purpose of holding on to life every new day. She reminds him of who he is and what he's doing. She's his reason and secret and home and, dear god, he loves her so much. He's too selfish to give his love to someone else.

He looks at her and he realizes there's only one breath separating him from closing the distance between them completely—the gap that's been separating them for years, somehow he needs to close it right now, right here, even for a brief second. His hands are resting on each side of the bed, caging her in between his arms and just how much he'd love to keep her there, between his arms, where she belongs, her home and shelter. If only their words didn't conflict. If only he was her everything. If only she lived for him just like he lived for her, and if only she loved him just like he loved her.

Guilt and shame are weighing his chest but his lips follow the path to rest where they belong. Tenderly and calmly the kiss presses lovingly to her lips. His eyes are no longer open and he lets his mind drive the most selfish and greedy desires to beat the softness and innocence of the kiss into a needier one, just like claiming a feeding ground—his lips claim his ownership over her which no one else shall come close.

Driven in egoistic thoughts, he fails to realize the pressure he's applying, which soon brings the girl to her senses, eyes opening and widening at the strange weight over her chest and the feel of her brother's lips sealed to hers.

He's drawn to stop once sensing her movements, and he's pushed back immediately, though still maintaining close distance, his eyes spotting confusion and uncertainty in hers which she soon spoke of.

"Ayato—"

And the look she gives him next brings nothing but embarrassment and frustration and his eyes avert from hers to the side. His body shifts its weight from hers and he sits with guilt overweighing his chest. No words are spoken but the ones she never heard from him before.

"I'm sorry…"

His apologetic tone holds a lot behind it; signifying his lack of control over what he did, but not fully regretting either.

She has questions she wants him to ask and those are one she's been collecting for years ever since they were apart. Now they're together but she still didn't ask him anything, and yet the amount of questions she wants him to answer continues to increase. He's confusing and he always makes her confused. She never understands his actions and he never explains them in a way she can understand.

The gap between them only keeps growing wider despite the distance between them is small.

Their worlds continue to conflict, even if they want the same thing; being together, they probably don't want it in the same way.


	2. Chapter I: Black Rabbit

**A/N: **Yoo! Here comes the first chapter at last! I wished I could have finished this earlier but life happened and I only finished it tonight. It's not long and I'm thinking about keeping this length for each chapter. I was so happy about all the positive feedback I received, really. And I hope to see more shippers joining soon so that we will maybe have more fanfics and fanarts for this small ship.

As a side note, I'm assuming Touka (and probably Renji too) is using a fake name for cover, so I'm giving her a fake name until this gets either confirmed or denied, so her name is a subject to change.

Another note is: I'm basing this fanfic on my own headcanon that Ayato isn't aware of Touka's survival in :re just yet. Whether this turns out to be canon or not, I will keep it as it is.

* * *

**Chapter I**

**_Black Rabbit_**

Behind the mask hides a burning grudge and an endless despise, a purpose and an urge to kill and obliterate the sorry excuse of existence. He stands high where no one can reach him. He's above them all and never has he sought for a lower stature, always aiming for high goals. They're far but he's strong and in no time he reaches his targets. Unstoppable is what he's become, dreadful is what he wants to be remembered of, and when revenge gives him the strongest push he needs, and when his feet land on the same ground as theirs, only one shall stand, because the world cannot welcome two, not in the eyes he always sees the world with. With his hands he slaughters his enemies' bodies into slices, their blood staining his mask, fingers and body and it's a sign of his sovereignty.

As foolish as always, the trash think if they surround him that will make him an easy prey, and he's sad his mask is covering the smirk on his face. Oh if only they can see themselves from his sight; how ignorant and pathetic they are. Time isn't something he wants to waste on them, and his Kagune slides out of his back, spreading two, large wings. When they launch at him, he ends the game with a binge shot of bullets from his wings, and they're falling dead in an instant before him.

He always gets the last laugh, but it gets boring as he sees no challenge in it anymore. He gets stronger each time he attacks, but they're the same level as they always were.

When the reinforcement teams arrive, it's late and their comrades are dead. The ghoul is gone and all that is left is the slaughtered bodies and the blood painting the area, promising another massacre which shall take even a bigger number of them.

In the name of his damaged childhood, in the name of his broken heart, and in the name of everyone they stole from him, his mother, his father… and his sister, Touka, whom he had sworn to protect. The child who was trying to understand the world did not have the chance to see its good side, as all he's seen is cruelty and mercilessness. Fear and insecurity are all he felt. But the child manages to keep the words carved in his mind, saved in his heart; he is the boy and he has to protect his sister. His innocence leads him to become a murderer. Seeking for peace in a world of wrongs is foolish, and power is the answer to everything, even when his intentions are purely made of an innocent promise he made; to protect his sister. To protect Touka because he's the boy, and to be guided and taught by her, but the words flow smoother than actions do, as the terms contradict in reality—he can't protect her if he accepts to be guided by her. She can't guide him if he wants to protect her.

Their difference becomes obvious with time, and as old as they get, as big they can see, and what his eyes see is a messed up world, a messed up world where you die if you're weak. Weakness means loss. Loss means death. And death is a reflection of what his father has come to because of his weakness. He left them with fake promises and for that he seeks to keep his promise, for he does not want to become a copy of his a father; a weakling, a loser—a liar.

He'll show the world that he can make a difference, that a son does not resemble his father, that he can bury his promise in the deepest depths, and mask it with what the world forces him to become in order to live. They are monsters, and he is going to live as a monster. He's not a liar, and he doesn't want a fake life. His father's promise is fake enough.

* * *

"—yato…" A familiar voice breaks into his endless world of confused thoughts, making the only door there is for him to exit that darkness. "You came back…"

"Hinami?..." Meeting her gaze in the distance, he stays still on the rooftop, watching the girl approaching him with careful steps.

"I hope I didn't interrupt you—I can leave if you want to be alone." Unintentionally, she seems to have cut him off from some deep thoughts, and she isn't one to like interrupting people, especially him.

"No… I wasn't doing anything…" He answers rather doubtfully, though he doesn't intend to sound rude and so he drops whatever deep and concealed thoughts he has in mind and instead gives his attention to the girl, jumping off the rooftop to land next to her.

"How did things go? With the Doves, I mean." She inquires with a hint of smile on her lips, glad to have him back safe.

"As usual, they never stand a chance. If they sent out some _real_ ghoul investigators for once, that'd be nice." Disinterest is always present in his tone whenever he speaks of the ghoul investigators, humans in general, and even if he's mellowed than before, his hatred for them is still the same. The fact that they killed his beloved family didn't change. "So what brought you here? Did Eto send you? Do we have another mission?" He says with the impression that he isn't excited about hearing any of those, but his interest is drawn again when the girl shakes her head.

"No, no. Actually, it doesn't have anything to do with work." She reassures with a faint smile, as if sensing the boy's disinterest, "I was… wondering if we could go out… if you're not busy or tired, of course?"

"Go out?" A brow raises at the question, slowly figuring out what she means by 'go out', though coming to conclusion which colored his cheeks with a light shade of pink, "H-Hinami?"

"Oh! No… I didn't…" Embarrassment is all she can spot in the boy's eyes, heat starting to blow within her as she waves her hands defensively. "I meant go out shopping for books!" She clarifies, "I finished reading the ones I have here… and I didn't have the chance to go buy new ones. I was wondering, since you're here, maybe we can go together? Ayato… I think it would be nice if you changed the air and…" She pauses, a bit uncertain. She knows for a fact that Ayato doesn't like being around humans one bit, and that's why she always avoids talking to him about them or asking him to go with her whenever she feels like going out. But for once, just this once, she decides to give it a shot, "You seem a bit lost. You'll feel better if you hang out for some time."

"I'm fine." The lie can be easily spotted hanging from his lips, though he bites his lower one and his eyes get lost in the flat floor, hers barely meeting them. "Thanks for the invite but… You know I don't like…"

"Being around humans, yes, I know." She finishes for him with a forced smile and nods, "I just wanted to help get you out of whatever has been keeping your mind flying around, though I think I know what already." She fights the urge to say the word, but she fails, "Touka, isn't it?" and he observes her figure with wide eyes, as if shocked, "I know it must be hard for you to deal with her… not being around anymore. Despite that you guys were separated, knowing that she's no longer in this world isn't easy, especially when she's the one you've done everything for. I understand all of that, Ayato, which is why I'm asking you to come with me. Running after the past won't change anything. Search for your new life here and now, in the present. You never know what's waiting for you out there. The world is big and you can find a new purpose, something to live for. But you'll never find it if you keep chasing your past."

"I'm not chasing my past…" With a grit of his teeth he says, his holds turning into fists, "My past is chasing me and I… can't seem to get rid of it no matter how many times I try. The guilt, the fear, the weakness… everything is so wrong and can't be changed…"

"No matter what," She cuts him off, having heard enough, "I'm sure Touka knew you still loved her deep within. You didn't tell her, maybe, but she knew. She's your sister, and she always knew."

His eyes fall upon hers, the words dancing on her lips to a perfect rhyme of truth, unspoken but real, and it soothes him, his insecurities slowly disappearing when she smiles, and all he feels then is comfort. _She knew, yes_. He must believe that.

"Well then, I don't wish to bother you more than this. I'm sorry again for the interruption, Ayato." She bows her head, "I'll see you later." And with that she turns to leave him be alone like she should have let him in the beginning.

"Hina, wait…" He stops her, his words almost reaching out to tug at her sleeve at the very last moment before she leaves, and she turns to face him. "I… I think I'll go…"

"Oh?" Her eyes blink in disbelief. Did Ayato just agree to go book shopping with her? It draws a wide smile across her face which she finds hard to hide. Her head tilts to the side as she giggles, "Great, let's go, then."

* * *

_Aogiri's Tree, Black Rabbit, has made a move again today morning. His attack targeted ghoul investigators as usual, and it seems that there are more victims each new attack. The CCG still has no clue on the real face hiding behind the Rabbit mask, but they claim him to be a young, male ghoul. He's also accused of murdering some of the strongest ghoul investigators, such as Kureo Mado, with the aid of Fueguchi, a female ghoul, claimed to be the same age as him, who is also affiliated with Aogiri's Tree. The Rabbit has become an extreme danger in the eyes of ghoul investigators, as he gets stronger and stronger within each atta—._

The screen goes black, and the silver-haired female turns around to see the taller ghoul holding the remote, though she doesn't argue and instead lowers her head, murmuring, "It's… Ayato… Why is he—"

"Weren't you going out today…" He avoids indulging in that conversation, as the wound it caused still hasn't healed yet and it'd be better off if the girl stopped scratching it for a bit longer, "with that investigator?"

"A-Ah! Haise… Yes, he said he'd be here at two in the afternoon. That was almost an hour ago…" Her eyes observe the door, hopeful of his arrival at any moment, though the only ones walking through it are the customers, coming and leaving. "Maybe he's busy and couldn't come. He's an investigator after all. I don't know what made me say yes." Oh, she knows more than anyone else why she said yes. It's because whenever her eyes caught his, she sees the reflection of one's she knew but disappeared without leaving a trace. It's because when all her hopes died, three years ago, he walked into the café and scattered the hope all over the place again, just a souvenir is all she asks for, and he's that souvenir she needs.

"Call him?" He puts the words in a simple suggestion, though she gazes at him furiously with furrowed brows. _What has he even asked her to do?_

"No way in hell I'm calling him. He's the one who asked me out. I don't want him to think I'm waiting for him to come or something." A huff leaves the girl's mouth as she spins around to greet the customers coming into the café, though as soon as she puts on her usual, fake smile, it disappears, being replaced by a flustered expression upon her eyes meeting the ones of whom she's waiting for.

"Ah! I'm so sorry for being late, miss Shizune." The pink flush on the girl's cheeks steals all of his attention, having confirmed to be the subject of the talk she was having with her 'brother'. "My squad wouldn't let me leave easily. They…"

_And a flashback to what got Haise to be late._

"Whoa! Sassan, you're going on a date with that pretty waitress at :re?" Shirazu wears a puzzled face, questioning the male before him in disbelief. "I feel betrayed."

"I-It's not a date!" claims the investigator, though his nervous smile says otherwise.

"Mama, we all know that if you're taking a girl to a bookstore with you to shop for books, it's a date." Saiko, on the other hand, supports Shirazu's statement, and Haise feels as if he's being surrounded, knowing there is no way he could convince these two. "How about wearing something different? Something, say, sexier?"

"You guys, I said it's not a date, really. We're just going to hang out—" But Haise doesn't even get the chance to explain as Saiko interrupts him.

"Yes, date."

"Guys, please stop making Haise uncomfortable." Tooru, noting how stressed is Haise with all the looks he's receiving from both Saiko and Shirazu, tries to side with him so that it's a fair game.

_End of flashback._

"It's… my fault. I was with my squad and didn't realize how fast time went by. I'm so sorry." Bowing apologetically, Haise puts himself to blame, for his squad only tried to help him, after all, and how bad would it be of him to blame them for wanting to help?

"No, it's alright. You said they were like a family to you. Family always comes first." And although the word 'family' is the girl's biggest wound, she manages to say it ever so tenderly, with a colorful smile, "I'm ready to go…"

"Right! Shall we leave then?" Haise's eyes meet the girl's, and they eventually turn to get the last say from Renji, as he is her brother as far as Haise knows, and getting his permission is the least he can do to sound polite.

Although he gazes at him with the usual cold, nonchalant eyes, he gives them a confirming nod. The two, then, take their leave, walking out of the café.

* * *

"Sen Takatsuki is my favorite author of all time. Her novels are a blessing, and she recently published a new book." Excitement fills the tone of the guy as he speaks of his favorite writer with passion, secretly hoping the girl doesn't get bored for that is the only thing he can think of as of now, "It's called _'Black Rabbit'_…" And just as if being slapped, the words snap her back to the present, trying to catch up on what he's saying. The moment her ears captured 'Black Rabbit', she's instantly reminded of her one and only brother whom she saw today in the news. And while reading isn't her strongest point, she desires to hear the story of the book as it catches her interest, because of both her love for rabbits and her brother. Her interest is now successfully drawn. "It's a story of two rabbits, siblings, who got separated. Some kids take the female away to raise her as their own pet. However, they leave her brother alone. He's later caught by a scientist who's so obsessed of experimenting on animals, and the black rabbit becomes a test subject of countless, senseless experiments. In the end, the black rabbit becomes a carnivore, and he eats the scientist then escapes the lab. He starts killing animals and humans to feed on them out of rage…"

She listens to every word, putting her finger on the few similarities she shares with the rabbits in the story, and she's suddenly so tempted to read the book. Her excitement builds up all the way till they arrive at the bookstore. Her eyes scan the place at the entrance, and when he invites her to wander with him in the store, the female pauses at a strange feeling suddenly hitting her, a certain presence, reeks of familiarity.

"Shizune?" At the call of her name, she gazes at Haise, and she nods at him and walks beside him to explore the store, though her heart and mind are blurring her from focusing on whatever the guy is telling her. She goes diff and the only thing she hears is the sound of her heartbeats increasing. Her eyes search for the source of this nostalgia that's tickling her nostrils, calling her to leave Haise's side as he's leading her away from it.

Suddenly, it's approaching her. She can feel it, whatever it is, getting closer to her, and she freezes in her place, now her eyes trying to spot whatever that's attracting her, until she spots the source at last, a rather big surprise to her, and the last thing she expects. Her brother stands just a few shelves away from her, and the shock is immense and clear in the eyes of both.

Wordlessly, they stare at each other just if the time stopped. They meet after so long, but the shock is bigger for one of them than it is for the other. It's bigger in Ayato's eyes, for he thought, for the last two years, that his sister had died. For the past two years, he lived with a dead hope, a heavy burden and a guilty wish for a second chance, a second chance to fix all of his foolish, irresponsible mistakes. It's as if his prayers are answered, and his sister is standing in front of him, as if calling him to do as he wished, to fix what he broke years ago. But he can't move. Neither of them can.

It's like he wakes up from a dream to face reality, and he doesn't know which is worst; the dream, or the reality. His heart begins to race at the big confusion he's dealing with, and the girl accompanying him notices his shocked, frozen figure and approaches him. However, she's taken by surprise when her eyes fall upon a very dear person, one whom she thought she lost, and much to her surprise, her eyes widen when a guy stands by her, who happens to be someone she heard of, though seeing him now draws a totally different image of what she expected.

_'Big sister, big brother… You're both alive?'_ Is what she thinks, and it appears Ayato's got the exact feelings, for his eyes are shifting between his sister and Haise.

_The rabbits met again in a rather strange circumstance, each one of them accompanied with a mixture of conflicted feelings; anger burning in a fire of longing. And when all they wanted was to run to each other and hug, they could only stand and exchange gazes that spoke of the words which wouldn't leave their mouths, for their lips were sealed but their hearts were screaming. She was beautiful more than the last time he saw her. But he was nothing like what she remembered. They both changed, but one of them became the beauty, and the other became the beast._

_It's the story of two rabbits that lost each other for years, and when they finally met again, that's when the story begins._

_TBC_


End file.
